Monday, May 08, 2006
dance chemistry! (: something that is truely amazing and wonderful.. and wad's even better, it can only exist so specially between 2dancers.....
ok... so i didnt go to sch on mondayyy... didnt even feel like my strength was up to face today's activities.. math fa and gp ca is just too demending especially when im still recovering from the cold.. so decided to stay at home and only handle those cas when im better and back in school.....
didnt like the feeling of staying at home when i could be taking in knowledge in school at that very instance... but i stealed the chance of being exempted from sch to catch up with all my tutorials.... FINISHED the WHOLE electro chem tut!! had a quick nap.. and ALSO finished up whole of bio nervous system tut which i was really proud of!! ((:
sis came back thrilled that she answered her geog elect qn correctly!! she's seriously under too much stress... all the way girl. (:
knowing that ive done more than expected... i went to sleep and SLEPT alot alot.. which was good as it helps me recover better.. so spent most of the day sleeping and trying to revise some bio things... haha.
and since i was alone throughout the day... ive been immersing myself into alot of thinking.. AND I MEAN ALOT ALOT OF THINKING... most of wad i was thinking about was the past.... and the fact that chocolate's dead..
latest update
the really really cute hamster that me and gareth was supposed to takecare of died.. it was supposed to be our little 'baby' and i guess when i broke up with him.. our little chocolate suffered too.. and it had passed away cuz gareth screwed the water bottle too tight that it was SOO deprived of water that it dead!!! super super pathetic i must say.... poor hamster... HATE IT WHEN I KILLED AN INNOCENT ANIMAL..
are u sure u didnt murder the hamster... so i guess after losing the only thing that is connecting the two of us.. our relationship is really dead rite?
(gareth, if ure reading this... just read on k.. doubt ure even here anyway)
officially off already. wells i guess it has already ended long time ago and i guess gareth has already accepted the fact.. and he's beginning to live with it... i guess when we first broke up.. i admit that i was the first to lose my feelings.. and that i was the first to accept the truth.. and he was the one that still wanted the relationship to carry on but i turned him down... and i guess he told himself that things has to go on and it did for him...
but i just dunno why that for me.. recently, im beginning to miss the times that i shared with him... and the times when i used to forget abt him to starting to change....
i duno why but my mind just kept on filling with thoughts of him!! IM SERIOUS! its just HIM. and i just cant seem to get it away... so then i started recalling all the pictures that we used to take and started missing the moment... in my mind was like *shit shit why am i doing all this* but i cant help it!
i guess i just missed the feeling of being loved by someone..
missed the feeling that ure important and that u matter to someone...
and when ure sick.. someone really care and is constantly worrying for your health...
but i guess i have to learn to live alone and be independent! independent elena that does not need anyone to live for.. then i continued to think... and started to read the msges that he sent....
those msges are soooo encouraging.. all his msges that tells me to never give up and to always to look to God for strength to study! and msges that tells me to carry on and leave all the stress to God.. he was my messenger of love and that was his last msg to me... then then, i just cant help but cry a little bit and let my emo go abit further.. and i bet people will love to see the elena that laughs so much to suddenly collapse under her emotions...
she cries.
and i admitted that then was the moment when i realised that i missed him.. and i missed all the times i shared with him...
but i guess its all over.. and like how he's handling it now.. life HAS to go on... and alls in the past.. so dont look back.. and remeber when i told him that we might still be possible.. he told me sometime ago that it's already impossible.. and NOW i finally get it... its impossible.. i cant bear to hurt him again.. he's been hurt TOO much by elena.. and i finally knew and understood how he felt.. and im SO not worthy of having him again... sooo not worthy... and i really hoped he can find someone way much better.. he deserves someone better yes.
she regrets?
and for me, guess i'll just live with it and let it go! and continue to be hyper and continue to occupy myself with work and friends so that such things will not happen again......
elena dances alone. that's wad's best. (:
dancin' @ 11:49 PM