Monday, March 20, 2006
reached back to church on sunday.... and i guess everyone could hear me before seeing me -.-" YES I'M THE NOISE.... and they were so sad tt they still have to talk to me.. since ive not converted to a malay. anyways...
but this is not why im blog...frankly speaking.. it's weird now.. and i bet he's feeling the same.. i guess i was ignorant at first and try to talk to him casually.. but he just couldnt talk normally to me. so ended up ignoring me..... and a whole terrible period broke up... i was sooo used to talking to him and to the peeps with him when we're in our clique... now.. i feel so lost... since im scared of even seeing him. ARGH!that day.. they were playing captain's ball after church.. didnt bring shoes.. but i knew tt ive not been spending time with them cause of orientation and danceworks and still.. so really wanted to spend time with them and hopefully fill in the part of friendship that might have stripped away.... so i tried my best to TRY TO SPEND TIME with the church peeps...... BUT... it was a total failure.. i cant communicate with them as last time.. cause of the breakup and everything.. it feels so awkward.. and he's like ignoring me la... so i just feel super lost.. and awkward...
after church... i was just walking with them.. and surprisingly i wasnt talking as much as usual.. i felt troubled.. and tt something's just not right..... dey took super looong to decide where to go for lunch... so when i reached church.. thinking tt they'll stay in church first.. went to change shoes... came up and they were gone alr.. they splited up for lunch... so i was kinda left behind.. and probably no one knew i was missing.. so gave up the idea of eating with them and went to find my family....
i tried my best to TRY TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEM.. even wanted to forego a wedding lunch so tt i can kinda eat with them and spend an awesome time! :) and i didnt mind studying in church while they play captain's ball... but guess it didnt work out.. and i had to walk out.. AH! TERRIBLE!! was feeling bitter abt it.....its cus of the breakup.. and this happen.... i didnt expect it since the friendships i have there are so strong.. but i guess it can always be broken through long period of absence...
and also of e breakup for me and gareth... i felt ppl are like discussing abt us behind me... and i HATE that.. any qns just come and ASK ME. or DONT LIKE ME KNOW IT'S THERE.. maybe its not even there... mayb im thinking too much...
to the peeps that feel that im ok with the breakup.. I'M NOT! and im also getting over it... it seem like im always happy but NO.. ELENA KEEPS HER FEELINGS INSIDE.. this is probably the first time im blogging sth bitter....
to the peeps that have problems with how im dealing with things... i dont care about u guys.. it is wad i can do with my own means... U CAN GO TALK. but i must say.. if i find out who u guys are.. i'll HATE YOU.
maybe there's no such peeps... or im just thinking too much.. sighs...... forget it then..... just wait for this period of torture to end.
at least,
sch seemed ok.
dancin' @ 7:20 PM
